Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
