sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
