Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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