Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
