Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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