I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
