we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
