Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The air was thick with penises
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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