Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
