next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
