I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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