Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
