Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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