I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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