I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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