WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
