so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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