but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
