I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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