Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
