My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
