Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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