I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
