you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
