clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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