what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
