I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
