I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
