just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
