Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
