I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You've changed since you got that strap on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
