uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
