I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
