she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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