im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
