Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize