i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
