you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
