my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize