What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
