shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
