look no pants
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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