I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The Olympian is in my bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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