Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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