I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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