I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize