Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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