If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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