well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
