After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize