just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
