fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
