You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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