the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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