Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
