So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found puke in my bra..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
