so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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