i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
