for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
