You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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