You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
