My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
