ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
