His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
