I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
