i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
