would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
