i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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