New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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