How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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